Should vegetarians be allowed to eat animal crackers?
Issue date: 4/1/02 Section: Perspectives
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We love hearing from you on this and other issues. Keep all your comments flowing to journal@ wharton.upenn.edu. But we may ignore them.
We wish to thank all the respondents for their comments. Unfortunately, because so many of them were stupid, we didn't publish all the responses we received. Here is what some of your classmates and alumni had to say:
"This is outrageous. You need to come up with a real issue of the week, like: Why doesn't the WGA get more respect?" - Khadir Richie
"Sure. And a great question for Wharton Jeopardy would be: Which Wharton alumni made his fortune in animal crackers. Go team!" - Jennifer Bernstein
"Oh yes. I love to munch on those sexy little things, all smooth and supple. Thank god there are plenty of them around – so diverse with all their sizes and shapes. And my accent really turns them on." - Franklin Allen
"Why not? They're awesome aphrodisiacs at our Wharton Couples Club swingers parties. How do you think I hooked up with Daniela Matson?" - Brian P. McCririe (Wharton Partner)
"Animal crackahs is finer than Pam Greer's booty in Foxy Brown, as enny fool kin plainly see. 'Cepp them li'l animals allus git busted in them hansum li'l boxes. ah cain't decided which ah like better — th' boxes o' th' crackers. Sheeet man, it's all fine. Coo' got to be." - Mike Isaac
"The views expressed herein are the work of some seriously immature jackasses. Lighten up." - Steve DeCherrie
"Of course. You've got to keep all of your options open if you want to even have a chance at a job this year. And you definitely need to wipe your ass before every interview." - Umber Ahmad & Neel Kashkari
"Joking around about Animal Crackers undermines the animals' self-confidence, jeopardizes all the progress they've made in corporate America, and smears the Wharton brand. All the Wharton Journal editors need sensitivity training. I'm calling an open forum!" - Jen Beachell
"Animal crackers for everyone! Damn, we're funny." - David Miller and Marc Shachtman
"You guys haven't fogotton about me, have you? I think the Wharton Journal editors are sooo sexy!" - Johanna Breman
"I won't eat them, but sometimes I stare at those crackers for hours, and they seem to come to life before my eyes. They're really mind-blowing, man!" - Keith Weigelt
"The continued proliferation of "animyl crackers" constitutes one of the most heinous examples of animyl cruelty known to this world. For years, the federal government has ignored the pleas of my fellow PETA members to intercede on behalf of our animyl brethren. I believe that Wharton students should form ranks to lead a grass roots movement that will result in a constitutional amendment forbidding the continued objectification of animyls, especially in a tasty wafer form." - Jon Greenwood
"Absolutely not! Anyone who comes in contact with Animal Cracker farms cannot help but be affected by the screams of terror of the animals as they are led to the boxes. Appendages are ruthlessly broken in the filling process and families are separated when boxes have reached the standard "serving size per container"." - Daniela Matson
Results of last week's poll:
Should vegetarians be allowed to eat animal crackers?
89% - No, don't harm those poor creatures
8% - Stupid question
3% - Yes, we need our protein
We wish to thank all the respondents for their comments. Unfortunately, because so many of them were stupid, we didn't publish all the responses we received. Here is what some of your classmates and alumni had to say:
"This is outrageous. You need to come up with a real issue of the week, like: Why doesn't the WGA get more respect?" - Khadir Richie
"Sure. And a great question for Wharton Jeopardy would be: Which Wharton alumni made his fortune in animal crackers. Go team!" - Jennifer Bernstein
"Oh yes. I love to munch on those sexy little things, all smooth and supple. Thank god there are plenty of them around – so diverse with all their sizes and shapes. And my accent really turns them on." - Franklin Allen
"Why not? They're awesome aphrodisiacs at our Wharton Couples Club swingers parties. How do you think I hooked up with Daniela Matson?" - Brian P. McCririe (Wharton Partner)
"Animal crackahs is finer than Pam Greer's booty in Foxy Brown, as enny fool kin plainly see. 'Cepp them li'l animals allus git busted in them hansum li'l boxes. ah cain't decided which ah like better — th' boxes o' th' crackers. Sheeet man, it's all fine. Coo' got to be." - Mike Isaac
"The views expressed herein are the work of some seriously immature jackasses. Lighten up." - Steve DeCherrie
"Of course. You've got to keep all of your options open if you want to even have a chance at a job this year. And you definitely need to wipe your ass before every interview." - Umber Ahmad & Neel Kashkari
"Joking around about Animal Crackers undermines the animals' self-confidence, jeopardizes all the progress they've made in corporate America, and smears the Wharton brand. All the Wharton Journal editors need sensitivity training. I'm calling an open forum!" - Jen Beachell
"Animal crackers for everyone! Damn, we're funny." - David Miller and Marc Shachtman
"You guys haven't fogotton about me, have you? I think the Wharton Journal editors are sooo sexy!" - Johanna Breman
"I won't eat them, but sometimes I stare at those crackers for hours, and they seem to come to life before my eyes. They're really mind-blowing, man!" - Keith Weigelt
"The continued proliferation of "animyl crackers" constitutes one of the most heinous examples of animyl cruelty known to this world. For years, the federal government has ignored the pleas of my fellow PETA members to intercede on behalf of our animyl brethren. I believe that Wharton students should form ranks to lead a grass roots movement that will result in a constitutional amendment forbidding the continued objectification of animyls, especially in a tasty wafer form." - Jon Greenwood
"Absolutely not! Anyone who comes in contact with Animal Cracker farms cannot help but be affected by the screams of terror of the animals as they are led to the boxes. Appendages are ruthlessly broken in the filling process and families are separated when boxes have reached the standard "serving size per container"." - Daniela Matson
Results of last week's poll:
Should vegetarians be allowed to eat animal crackers?
89% - No, don't harm those poor creatures
8% - Stupid question
3% - Yes, we need our protein