Wharton Journal

Issue date: 4/7/08 Section: Perspectives

A lot of people probably think you're a pervert. I mean, it's not a big deal, but just think about it. After wandering around downtown Philadelphia with no pants in September, you're lucky not to be legally obligated to go door-to-door and explain the incident to new neighbors for the next 10 years. Then, buoyed by the lack of consequences for Walnut Walk, you dressed as a transvestite Paul Bunyan and spent the majority of Halloween threatening to bring your Big Blue Ox out from pasture while winking at strangers. Finally, there was the whole devolution of human decency that was Wharton 54; the aftermath of which found you skimming Facebook photo galleries in an effort to determine the source of your new (totally awesome) sunglasses and that (not so awesome) rash on your inner thigh, before remembering that, oh yeah, you had traded the majority of your leopard pattern costume for both.

While most people would be ashamed of pole dancing with a broken street lamp at 3am, you are smart enough to know better, as you remind employers by including your GMAT scores (and percentile, of course!) on your resume. It's all about the acquisition of social capital.

One of the primary incentives for attending a school like Wharton is the opportunity to build a valuable network of contacts in the business world. Entering school, it is easy to imagine that this new network will be composed of sophisticated peers who respect you for your business acumen, academic prowess, and work ethic.

Realistically, however, any chance of getting a career connection through your learning team vanished with that attempt at dispensing candid feedback at your LT360 meeting. And, let's be honest, the points you raise in class are incoherent at best.

Instead, for many the lesson is that costumes and excessive amounts of alcohol are the currency of social capital. As can be seen in Figure 1.0, alcohol consumption drives significant increases in valuable social capital interactions, albeit with diminishing marginal returns after a certain level. In addition, as observed at many themed parties, racy costumes serve to drive even greater social capital transactions, thereby shifting the curve upward at all consumption levels.

For exemplary purposes, below I've excerpted social capital transactions (Y-axis) occurring at increasing levels of alcoholic consumption (X-axis).

0 Drinks - "Tarzan, can I get you a beer?"

"Yes please, and I'll check your coat for you, Homo-Erotic Cowboy."

3 Drinks - "Dude, SHOTS!!"

"OMG, look at Cat Woman."

"Which one?"

6 Drinks - "You're interviewing at Bain? Oh, I totally know a guy there! I'll definitely e-mail him tomorrow, Carl."

"It's Peter."

9 Drinks - "School girl costume, how did you think of that?! Mind if I grind against you intensely from behind and put my sunglasses on you even though we've never met? Reciprocity, right?"

12 Drinks - "A job in a boutique hedge fund in rural Russia? Oh, I know like a dozen people you should talk to. Remind me tomorrow, Dave."

"It's Maria."

15 Drinks - Obscene sexual proposition involving Private Equity and golden handcuffs omitted.

18 Drinks - Mid-vomit, to shoes in adjacent stall: "I don't mean to boast, but I have contacts with a Venezuelan circus family that does Bar Mitzvah parties in New York. So if you're looking to join the Morgan Stanley derivatives team, I can probably get them to put in a good word for you."

21 Drinks - "Want to see my Big Blue Ox?"

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